


If I Weren't Straight

by barricadeofmedusa



Category: Les Misérables - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Drinking, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-10-21
Updated: 2014-10-21
Packaged: 2018-02-22 00:55:08
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 584
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2488442
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/barricadeofmedusa/pseuds/barricadeofmedusa
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Courfeyrac gets drunk and starts telling his friends he'd date them - if he wasn't straight, that is. Why is he straight again?</p>
            </blockquote>





	If I Weren't Straight

Two drinks was his limit, after a long day of work and an early start the following morning. Except that the long day had included two football rushes and several mad dashes to other stores within the city to replenish depleted stock. So nobody really blamed Courfeyrac when he went for three drinks. Or four. And hey, that free tequila didn’t count as a fifth because he spilled it all over that girl in a failed attempt at a body shot anyway.

Five drinks in (Four! It was only four!) and Courfeyrac was sliding through from happy to sleepy to maudlin. He latched on to the first person he could reach and pulled himself into their lap. Combeferre made a sound somewhere between a grunt and a squeak but somehow managed to avoid splashing beer on either of them.

“Combeferre, Ferre I have a question. Why am I alone? Even Marius has that Ursule girl he’s meeting tonight. You know the one with the handkerchief and the hiding in trees. Don’t I deserve to have someone. I’m a good person. I’d be a good boyfriend.”

He turned to face Combeferre, eyes slightly unfocused.

“No no wait you’re a medical person you can answer me. Why am I straight? If I wasn’t straight I’d totally date you.”

But before Combeferre could reply, Courfeyrac was out of his lap and lunging at Enjolras, catching him in a tight hug as he stood to leave.

“Enjolras! Enjolras, you’re my favourite! I’d totally date you if I wasn’t straight and you weren’t secretly pining for Grantaire but that’s okay cause he’s in love with you too and I wouldn’t break up a married couple like that. Think of the children, you know?”

Enjolras splutters, eyes darting around the room to see who might have overheard. Combeferre resolutely does not meet his eyes. He’d known. Of course he’d known. But there was a difference between knowing your best friend was pining after another friend and actually saying it aloud in the middle of a bar.

Enjolras catches Jehan’s knowing eyes and panics, pushing Courfeyrac in Jehan’s direction. Because Enjolras is not above using his friends as diversions in embarrassingly awkward situations. And Courfeyrac owes him.

“Jehan!” Courfeyrac exclaims, as if the sudden stumble over to the booth was his own idea and not propelled by Enjolras. “Jehan I love you too. I love your hair and..I love your cakes and I think you’re really pretty and I’d definitely date you but can you imagine? We’d be like an explosion of glitter and flowers and shiny things and actually that doesn’t sound that bad at all why haven’t we done that yet?”

Jehan just pats him on the back patiently. “Because you’re straight, Courfeyrac.”

“Oh. Yeah. I could…try not to be? I’d totally be not-straight if you wanted me to be.”

Jehan smiles. “That’s not how it works. But thankyou.”

Courfeyrac slumps a little, sighing. “Yeah. I know. I’m just doomed to not get any. But if I’m flying solo, at least I’m _flying freeeeeeeeeeee_!”

Courfeyrac’s sudden burst into song starts off a round of group singing running from popular musicals through to Queen, loud enough that nobody notices Enjolras, and then Grantaire, slipping off through the back door and not returning. Courfeyrac takes note of the time and reminds future Courfeyrac to collect on the bets in the morning. For now though, he’s going to be the most badass Elphaba the world has ever seen. Duty calls.


End file.
